Isn't meditation sitting like Budda? Naively that's what I thought. That is until a friend of my hubby’s friends invited me along to one of her sessions.

 

I spent the morning with other mums practicing mindfulness. It totally took me out of my comfort zone but something I'm so happy I tried. I hoped that mindfulness could not only help with recovery but keep my buzzing autistic brain at bay.

We are all too hard on ourselves. Everything has to be done better, faster, and perfectly. We are at burnout trying to be too many things to too many people. Just 10 minutes of sitting with my eyes closed using her techniques made me feel so calm.

I started to try and take even just five minutes a day to myself to close my eyes and count my breathing. Counting whilst breathing in for the count of four and breathing out for the count of four. Five minutes counting my breathing meant it was tuned in to the numbers rather than the thought rushing around my head. I learned that meditation doesn't stop thoughts coming into my head but that I should allow them to just flow through.

 

Meditation can get emotional. Learning to listen to the inner me is something that I know I need to do more but is so hard when wrapped up in day to day life.

Nat at Respite Wellness is my Wellness Practitioner. She runs the most beautiful sessions. They've helped me to accept my scars, accept having breast cancer, accept that it's OK to mourn life before cancer, listening to the voice within that says I'm not on my own, that others feel the same and that it's OK to feel the way I feel. During her sessions it’s time to allow your feelings to “be”. Many a session I'll be sobbing as a realisation of the enormity that will live each day hits. The stress, the worry, the anxiety. They're natural. But so is happiness, love and kindness to yourself and to others. 

 

I'm glad I was introduced to meditation. I've used it on purpose but also in random places when I've felt my anxiety build like on a flight and in a supermarket. Yes, I am that weirdo closing her eyes in public places and counting to four for a minute to gain perspective and get through that moment.